kinds of tears

Hmmm.. So ive been long thinking of making this blog entry, and since i havent really been able to blog, ive tried to collect my thoughts for a few days now. Only now have i finally clicked on the link to new posts.

I found myself crying my eyes out a few weeks ago, and believe me that i am the kind of person that has shallow tears, that time though i didnt really find a concrete reason for why tears were coming down my cheeks. It was probably that i was irritated that day by the most random of things or that because i was so frustrated by the major acne/allergic reaction i got by putting orange peels on my face a few months before..haha..it was probably that.

While i was crying, ney bawling my eyes out that day, not only was i thinking about how irritated, frustrated, or hot it was that day..the thoughts of all the problems ive gone through in my life, all the pain, regret, disappointment i had, all custered in my head..and i felt like i cried it all out that day. Ofcourse during those moments when i was going through that pain or regret or disappointment, i cried, i cried every single day, i cried myself to sleep, i cried in the middle of the day just thinking about it..but all those time, i cried silently..i cried so no one wold hear, so no one would notice. How could that be, that the moment i cried for no reason at all, was the moment i cried the loudest. It brought so much comfort to me, that i cried with no actual reason than when i was really in pain and sorrow.

Although that day, i cried for so long, i just sat at the edge of my bed staring into nothingness and crying like i was a toddler again, you know that cry you make so that your mom hears you, that cry you make that's so loud and noises come out making sure they hear that youre in so much pain, that cry people i see on the news make when someone they love has just died, screaming and wailing beside their loved ones lifeless body, that cry you had that makes you breath short sudden gulps of air, as if you just got out from under water after being almost drowned to death. This kind of cry is the most painless of most cries, the kind of cry that stares you right in the face, the cry that lets you cry everything, without hiding, without pretense. This kind of cry gives you the greatest feeling afterwards..the moment when youre done bawling your eyes out, you take huge breaths from exhaustion, and it feels soooo good..it feels like putting down a huge sack of bricks youve been carrying on your back up a huge hill for long miles, then maybe drinking a cold glass of water..or maybe suddenly getting inside an airconditioned room and standing infront of the ac after coming from a really hot place or outside on a warm summer day..it felt good. That final breath you take when you feel your eyes throbbing and you think youll probably wake up the next day with chinky red eyes, your nose red and clogged, your cheeks sticky from all the dried up tears...amidst the pain or sorrow behind those tears, i believe its still one of the best feelings in the world.

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