purple gatorade

I need to stop replaying that smile on your face when you saw me walking towards you, under the hot blazing sun. i quickly dropped my head as i watched my feet skip the cracks on the road instead of facing you as i got closer and closer. i didn't know what that meant, were you happy to see me? did you think i looked ridiculous in my white v neck shirt? i wish i knew, you know..it would atleast help ease this unnerving feeling of stupidity. You wanted to have lunch before we parted ways again, i regret the moment i declined..we would've been there again, on that restaurant on that corner, just like before, when i didn't know things i should have known, when i did things i didn't know annoyed you, when you were just a guy who told never ending stories about yourself, and i was the girl who listened..i regret the moment i declined, i don't know if we'll ever get to doing that again, i don't know if you'll ever ask to have lunch before we parted ways, i don't know if you want it as much as i do..i'm glad i saw that smile on your face though, as you saw me walking towards you under the hot blazing sun. You were still you, and i was still me, i kept looking if something changed, like i was hoping something has changed, was there something that changed? i wanted something to change. not the way we exchanged stories, or how that familiar sweat easily trickled on your forehead and mine on my nose, not even how i thought you were being a complete asshole from time to time, or how much it felt so easy and nonchalant just sitting beside you..no, i was looking if something changed about the way you looked at me, every time you'd see me skip the cracks on the road as i got closer and closer.

no i don't feel 21..maybe its because i didn't really do anything special for my birthday, after my 18th i just stopped caring, even Christmas loses its magic, and i guess growing up you start seeing the world in a whole new perspective, gradually, everything turns grey..i want kids to see the world in color while they still can, when it all fades away you cant do anything about it even if you wanted to.